Why Shamanism?

I have had more than a passing interest in things "shamanistic" in the last decade or so.  I have taken numerous weekend workshops and a few extended courses, read a number of books and made acquaintance with few gifted individuals.

I am not a shaman. I don't ever envision ever calling myself by that title.  I think we westerners have in a way bastardized the term, made up a uniquely western way of thinking of shamanism, and then pretend in our typically arrogant western way that we are connecting to ancient ways.

I have been a trouble maker in most every class I have taken.  I question anything that doesn't resonate with me.  I refuse to accept anything simply because someone else said it was so.  Still, even filtered through our flawed western eyes and understandings, I find nuggets of truths that resonate as universal.  It is these nuggets of truth that I continue to pursue.

But why?

I make little to no distinction between the animal communication activities and the shamanic activities.  Animals, you see, live daily in the truths that the shamanic practices bring us closer to knowing.  I find it very interesting that most animal communication workshops are attended only by women.  Shaman classes have a significant number of men (although still dominated by women).  What's the difference?

I have been uncomfortable with a few people I have encounter at shaman workshops.  I think some people look at shamanistic practices as a way to gain "power" - power over people, power over situations.  For true practitioners, it is power to deliver healing to those who ask.

I am not looking for power at all.  Knowledge and wisdom yes.  Power, no.

So why am I still interested in shamanism?

I have a sense, through the connection with animals and plants and rocks and wind and the earth, that there is a tremendous grace in which all things exist.  There is a connectedness throughout all-that-is that is beyond our human ability to know.

I have also am quite aware that I do not walk in this grace (most humans don't), that my actions, my thoughts, actually destroy and run counter to the harmony in which all things live.  I would like to learn to walk more gently on my path so that not only do I not leave carnage in my wake but I may actually one day find a way to be a contributor to this greater grace, instead of a bystandard.

Maybe the "power" I am looking for is simply the power and wisdom to improve myself.