Its been only a few months since my soul fragment returned, but the time of living without her in me is already a distant distant memory. (I wonder if the memories of the empty time have faded fast because most of me was not here to experience it?) It is good, I guess, to not be able to recall easily how it felt to be only a hollow echo of myself.

She-who-is-me stayed away as long as possible, and came back just as things in my day life were starting to change, and she needed to be back to manage through it all, to keep me/us on tract.

I still feel great sadness sometimes, but it is not the grief of a bottomless pit. I feel much more solid, even through the new (job related) turmoils that are now arising.

I miss the idea of my old friend, although I think that person never existed. I miss believing that connections in my life were expanding. I am back now to the place of knowing I am the outsider that needs to simply be comfortable with that and not struggle against it.

I miss my guide, who for reasons I cannot begin to understand, will not show up unless my exfriend's guide is also allowed to be present.

It is far far to confusing for me to manage through, and I have decided to consult with the one true shaman I know - in order to get some clarification and to see if I can reestablish a connection with my guide - who is another part of myself.