Why are you here?

"Why are you here?"

This was the question put to me tonight by someone..... I can't exactly say who, that had joined me for my fire ceremony this evening.   A male voice is all I can say.

"Why are you here?"  This is the question I am supposed to answer.

"Why are you here?"

My first reaction was to want to ask for clarification....what do you mean by "here"?  Here in front of the fire?  Here in this point on my life?  What?

I quickly realized that part of my work to answer the question was to provide that clarification myself.

"Why am I here, sitting in front of a fire, quietly drumming?"  That's the immediate answer and the easier one.  I am here tonight to try to connect with elders, to ask questions, to listen, to open more the gateway between this world and where the elders reside, to work at growing into a better person, a richer spirit with access to wisdom and companionship of the elders, to learn to be more than I currently am.

"Why am I here, as a greater question of, why am I here at this point in my life?"  This is by far the more difficult question to which finding the honest answers could be hard work indeed. I am where I am, in part, (a large part really) because of my failures - failures at having the courage to take chances, failures of not believing in myself, failures of not letting go of fears.  I am also here because of some successes, even if they took a long time in coming - success at learning how to go from "sleeping heart" to "waking heart," to learning how to listen to messages in the wind, trees, rocks, earth and animals, to understand that holding to ego is like holding to a solid wall that will block any meaningful path forward.

I struggle with finding a path forward, professionally, personally, spiritually - fully feeling that I have not "arrived" at any of those desired destinations.

"Why am I here?"  This is a good question for me to examine further for each and every aspect of my life, for, in understanding the answers, I might do better moving forward - and after all, that is why I am "here" in front of the fire tonight: to become a better me.